Feminist Spirit Seeker

            Going to the grocery store has been the reminder for me the world is in disarray. I am an introvert so staying at home for weeks at a time with my family is a good experience. Outside of the news I watch, only periodically to maintain my mental health, I feel safe and secure at home. One Saturday though, I went shopping at a Fred Meyer. I walked into the entryway of the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon and a lone employee was wiping down carts with sanitizing wipes. That moment felt so surreal because this was a time when the store was normally packed with shoppers. It was lonely and barren. Shopping that day felt like grieving – grieving normalcy and security.             I imagine our collective experience this lent gives us a small sense of what Jesus’s followers were experiencing after his death. Some of us are struggling more than others through this ...

Cabin fever is not a problem for me through this pandemic. I love being home. Hibernating for days is not a hardship for me at all. My husband and son are both home and my husband has a job he can complete remotely. We are all introverts and enjoy alone time. Being together is a positive experience for us and we are blessed with enough space to also have solitary time. I think the dog is the only one with cabin fever. She is used to going to puppy day camp and has not been able to go there in two weeks. Luckily my six-year-old little son can keep her entertained although it can get a little much for his parents! The discomfort comes from the fact that the world is so different. The world feels more dangerous than normal outside the home. I have an anxiety disorder, so the outside world has always been a little dangerous. Yet, that anxiety has always been irrational. This concern does not feel irrational. It feels valid. I was so proud of myself when this first started. I voluntee...

When I was a little girl, the safest place for me was my grandmother’s house. Every once in a while, I will smell something that reminds me of her, and it brings back a flood of memories of the time I spent with her. Grandma died when I was seventeen and I still miss her. Anytime I smell something that reminds me of her it brings a sense of peace and joy. Something in particular I remember are bushes she had in her yard. I do not know the name of them but periodically I have seen or smelled the type of bushes she had in her yard and it takes me back to childhood. She had several large, tall green bushes that lined the driveway. The leaves were tiny and oval shaped, and they had a particular sweet scent. That scent brings back the love I had for her and the joy I felt with her. Grandma’s house was built in the 1950’s when my mother was a little girl. When my grandfather poured the concrete for the garage, he had my aunt and my mother press their hands into the concrete. I could...

Walking in the grocery store was surreal today. I made my way down the aisles looking at the products on the shelves and assessing if they contain salvation. The potato chips, milk, ice cream, and other items do not seem to be able to make any promises. I pull products down and put them in my cart hoping they will bring normalcy back to life. Yet, the thud they make when they hit the wire cart reminds me, they will not. I think of a video my friend posted of a man explaining the procedure for keeping groceries from infecting the household with corona virus. Looking at the items, I wonder if touching this item means I will end up ill or dying in the hospital alone. Yet, I continue to touch the items putting them each in the cart, looking to make sure we can maintain some sense of the everyday in the food we eat. It is a desperate attempt to find the proper brand of microwave meals, potatoes, and apple juice. If the kind of food we eat is missing, I feel a stab of grief at not being a...

Working on my undergraduate degree in Comparative Religious Studies made me very happy. Learning about other religious traditions gave me a new perspective on life and meaning. My time at the University of Oregon lasted a couple of years as I had transferred in from a community college. While at the U of O, I explored different religious ideas, visited different religious services, and learned different ways of sacred practice. Spiritual seeking at this time was joyous for me. I was excited by the different ways of experiencing the Divine. One practice that changed my life was meditation. When I studied Buddhism and Mystical Catholicism, I learned about meditation and mindfulness. Meditation changed my life because I had never felt closer to God than when I meditated. It is hard to describe that feeling. It was an ecstatic feeling – like my soul was lifted in me. It felt different than when I prayed. This was not talking to God; it was being with God. It was feeling God’s peace. I ...