A Dangerous World

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Cabin fever is not a problem for me through this pandemic. I love being home. Hibernating for days is not a hardship for me at all. My husband and son are both home and my husband has a job he can complete remotely. We are all introverts and enjoy alone time. Being together is a positive experience for us and we are blessed with enough space to also have solitary time. I think the dog is the only one with cabin fever. She is used to going to puppy day camp and has not been able to go there in two weeks. Luckily my six-year-old little son can keep her entertained although it can get a little much for his parents!
The discomfort comes from the fact that the world is so different. The world feels more dangerous than normal outside the home. I have an anxiety disorder, so the outside world has always been a little dangerous. Yet, that anxiety has always been irrational. This concern does not feel irrational. It feels valid. I was so proud of myself when this first started. I volunteer as a chaplain at a hospital and I was not feeling anxious about this illness. When school closed, the bars and restaurants, and they stopped volunteers from coming to the hospital things started to feel scary. The world is unrecognizable and my normal is being dismantled. Even going to the grocery store, an activity I enjoy, is uncomfortable and abnormal. I entered Fred Meyer on a Saturday and the shelves were bare. There were no paper products, chicken, or ground beef to be found. While I love hibernating, part of me will be glad to have normalcy again. Perhaps we never will. Perhaps I will have to get used to a new normal. And I know I can remake meaning. Yet, that is the hard part. The process of making new meaning is painful.

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